Thursday, June 25, 2009

Selection From Book


Purchase a huge amount of stress relief medication. Ask your doctor to write a prescription for the highest dosage allowable by law.

Have your attorney prepare a document that prevents your spouse-to-be from saying stupid things that will cause undue violence on your part.

Enroll yourself in anger management courses.

Don’t purchase wedding items from telephone order operators in foreign countries.

Try not to strangle people just because you don’t care to hear their opinions.

Limit yourself to six cocktails per day.

Set a budget for yourself, and try not to exceed it by any more than 3 million dollars.

If you feel overwhelmed, killing yourself will only hurt those who love you.

Wedding cakes are not supposed to lean sideways, no matter what the caterer says.

Pastel colored tuxedoes tend to make the groomsmen look a bit feminine.

Try to book all of your vendors at least one year before the wedding and three years before the divorce.

Ask your married friends which wedding vendors they have recently sued.

Beware of wedding vendors who are only 25 years old, yet claim they have over 25 years of experience.

Ask a friend to accompany you to bridal expos so that you can have them carry all of the fliers, brochures, and printed junk.

Always meet prospective vendors to find out if they have an unpleasant odor.

Always ask if you can get a special discount because you are a bride who has mental issues.

Dress like a bum to indicate that you don’t have a lot of money.

When you interview a wedding vendor, it always helps to mention any mafia connections.

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